Red Cup

i aint gonna change for you , oh boy , living is kind of like a never ending party now a days . So update no more idiot , and i know you guys know who im talking about , well actually ive left 2 idiots in the past 2 weeks for someone worth it . Like when im with him i couldnt care less about anything else , hes cute way too cute XD , he thinks im an easy and a stupid girl , but ill show him i ave a head on these shoulders just watch me. And bell is keeping me longer , i just applied for another position so cross your fingers it happens . and last week was my 2month of the car crash ..... i still get nightmares .... and i still freak a little inside when driving at night , but ill be fine eventually , oh and today im going to meet abandon all ships !!!!!! be jealous

Get low get loose get down on the floor

Im out!!! i am officially in my new house with Jeff,Jamie and Alicya , its kind of intense , ive never partied so much in the span of 2 weeks , sober isnt a word i know or feeling i know , but im living the life , its almost 3 am i work in a few hours that dosnt change , but since living here alot has happened good and bad . Like ive completely recovered from the car accident , well maby not mentally , saddly i dream or nightmare about it every night , not once have i not dreamed about it . But on the other hand James and i were okay , for the most part! Peps Alicya's cat ran away after 3 days here , hes been gone for 5 , i sure hope he comes back he was her life , and it destroys me to see it cause i know how it feels Bekah is my life ! and ive been living off of spaghetti , tke out and cookies weird eh? hmm what else oh that i think ive gone insane yah well bam !

Lets Play Pretend

I have been through a lot in my life, and Sunday night everything was almost taken away from me.... James and i went to the belvedere champlin lookout....and on our way back we missed a turn ... and went into a ditch. He was fine thank god for that , me on the other hand i have a gash on my head 5 staples ( equivalent of 8-12 stitches) , dislocated shoulder... and a lot of bruising on my neck and chest . We went to the hospital , where melee,Alicya,Garfit and my rents showed up , all the people i cared most in the world were around me . James and his rents left around 12:30 .. we had crashed at 9 , gotten to the hospital around 9:20 .... they leave , my rents left around 1:30 am.... and then at 2 we finally got into a room to see the doc but ambulances showed up and made us wait even more ( i was priority, minus ambulances).... so after waiting over 6 hours , we left the hospital and went to arnprior hospital , and they saw us the minute we came in , ad i got home around 6 am.... i looked like a csi crime seen harachio would be proud ! , i haven't slept or eaten since then , i eat and it comes back up , i sleep or close my eyes and all i see is the crash , and his face , the pain of his guilt eating him alive, kills me ... i wish i could take the guilt away i wish it never happened but it did , im healing slowly , but that night changed everything for me.


I'm not the one who wants to hurt you
Im not the one I'm not the one who wants to hurt you
you better find somebody else or get a hold of yourself

Your way to young to be broken
your way to young to fall apart
your way to young to play these games
but you better start

i forget who you used to be
the poison that was meant for me

Do you really want to live forever ?

Its been one week since ive gotten the noticed of me leaving this place .Cause i wanna be forever young , ive been avoiding myself lately , i cant stand to look at myself , so ugly yet so slutty .... it doesnt make sense.... but today work killed me ... i dont know whats going to happen to me , suicide used to be one of my many thoughts but ive grown up and realised how selfish it is... but today i thought for a moment what if ... what iff i didnt have the most amazing best friends hence , Melee,Alicya , Sam , Caro , Emma , James , tristan , Candice , Lissa , Sarah. ..... what if i never stopped the drugs .... what if i never moved to this place ... alot of what ifs thats for sure. I've learned not to trust easely , and to always keep moving forward... I've lost alot of people , but for a reason , and im happy without them , i have all the people i need the others are just fillers

100 Posts!!!

Life is something short and dramatic , today i woke up with tears stinging my eyes , all i can think of is how bad i miss you , Life here without you is unbearable . I can't imagine how much you've changed , grown , and laughed while I've been gone , i love you . Today is the marker date of when my Birth mother seperated me and my sister , but i know one day ill be able to hold her back in my arms . Today my fathers dear friend is in the hospital for surgery , and Today i am 19 , have a full time job and still think to myself how can i be so childish ? , I have a problem , i like to enjoi life the best i can, but i want love , i don't know why , but my ff aren't cutting it anymore for me , i need to be able to cuddle after , i want to be able to smile and not regret after , i don't just want to be THAT girl they do. Today i've kept the way you left it , and i found all the things we build to burn them down , lyrics by the latency ! I've counted how many days , months and years I've been in a coma , just going day by day , not actually living . Can you say that you have friends , but be the lonelyest person on this planet? i can , its funny to think that i cna have so many "friends" but somehow be alone most of the time , i see more of my ff then "friends" , yes im a skank deal with it , i have two days off during the week and lately ive been fooling around with ff's or alone , can i even cal my "friends" friends? , i don't know , lately my head has been one major blur , one massive pain and one immense sorrow , la dernieree fois tu a pris ton coeur et le mieu , tu les a emmener trop loing , rammene le moi Marie-mai lyrics Pour effacer nos larmer se sentir vivant , pour une fois laisse danser tes doights sur ma peau.

Change is Good

Its been over 2 months since ive written here . I'm not the same Maree i was a year ago or 2 month ago , Im now 19 , have 2 tattoo's , 17 piercings in total have had over 29 , I've had a few bf's and alot of fuck friends , things around me grow and die , Im still crazy and weird , but people have noticed a change , funny it took me so long to notice it .... Im becoming who I'll be in the future , gauges,tattoos and all . I'm actually realising how amazing life can be if you give it a chance , yes at times i just want to jump off a bridge , but they are some moments that are just so worth it , like I had lost a best friend , a dear love , she had been one of the best things in my life , and a guy got in the middle and i lost her , but Were good now , trying over type thing , i see her almost 2 a week now , and its amazing , she is one of the only people ive ever fully trusted , and still to this day she remains one of the few ill always love and cherish the friendship like its a delicate flower , but get crazy like its a bottle of vodka .Also losing people and gainning new ones is good , ive lost many friends this year , some by just losing touch and some others by stupid high school drama , and fact i ain't in high school anymmore so they can shove their wa wa up their ass . But who ever is in my life at the moment should know that i love them and that im thankfull to have them , it's hard to find the true friends , and i know I've found a handfull , and headint out into the world isnt as bad as it could of been , i know have a corporate office job , well i have a cubicle in a giant building on elgin for bell Canada , i work for the high speed center , and its an amazing job , i truly hope i can keep it and to the best i can with it . Maby someday ill open my own salon and tattoo parlor , maby someday ill go to college but at the moment things are good , i don't have a boyfriend , but i still hve some guy friends on the side if you get my drift , but one things for sure ,life is to short for dumb bitches and birth moms tat could as well be dead , they need to grow up , and you shouldnt be waiting for them , walk away and make your own path to life , and follow your rainbow to your pot of gold , and sex is still amazing my loves .

Don't change me

I'm legal in this motherfucking place , about time.... i had a blast Thursday night , went out with Melanie,Emma, Joe, Stef, Teresa, Alexis, April, Kaitlin, Sam, Tay . What a blast of drunkenness that was , we met Brian and Steve and planted a tree they were carrying and named it jesus, oh and on my birthday night itself i had a nice visitor come to my window , he had a surprise for me , " insert the song birthday sex here " . We had fun , reminded me of why i fell for him at one point , and oddly enough we've been solid talking since , he's a sweetheart , bbuuuuuuuuut loves partying and getting with the boys toooo much , I'm scared he'd leave me in the dusk again .... anywaiis , Friday i went to my other party thingy , with Kaitlyn,Caitlin,Tegan,Scott,Lindsay,Jake,Niki,Daniel,Tristan,Amy,Shayne,Nae ( omg i know , things are looking bright),Sean ( Nae's bo ) , annnd to be honest i think thats it .... hope i didnt forget anyone. So on Wednesday I' shall be going job hunting once again , lets pray i gwt a job this time .

Legalization

Try to smile today , try to think of everything happy that's ever happened to you , or you can sink down and cry about all the fuck ups you've had , for me balancing both is hard, and tomorrow it's my birthday , i should be ecstatic, but I'm not , why you may ask? because I've been alone everyday since I've moved here , and tomorrow won't be an inception ... I've grown accustomed to my lonelyness my tears and my screams of anger , and well tomorrow i want to laugh, love and be with him . I won't because I'm the last thing he could think of , he might say other wise but i can tell by the look in his eyes ...

CANADIENS DE MONTREAL , LES HABITANTS

FUCK YES HABS ARE GONNA BRING THE STANLEY HOME :)

Holy Tits and Clits

yes I'm inappropriate , but you would already know that if yur reading , cause I'm special in that way. So today i met Emma's Bf Joe , he's cute , has a lisp , teehe I'm so happy for Emma , shes my older sister which is awesome to have :) , annnd she deserves to be happy , and if Jo thinks about hurting her well lets just say you know what i would do ;) So somethings come to my attention , it's a boy , yes i know unusual for me, Nahhht , anyways yah so this guy ive talked to him for the past hour over facebook he' different , not like other guys you know , he's very down to earth and straight up about things , and his music is peculiar DnB , i gave it a listen and it's truly awesome , tho this guy probly jut thinks I'm another loser who added him. So tonight supernatural yayz , and tomorrow im heading to he bay to visit my dad and see if things have changed , cause I've been living with Emma for two weeks now , well two weeks on friday or sat .

Can't stop laughing

the title sort of tells you how im feeling , and I've been like this for the past 3 hours, i have a headache , cheeks are botoxed right in ,and i can't stop laughing i've lost atlest a million pounds just tonight. So I've been living at Emma's for the past 2 weeks , it's amazing ,and i can talk to my rents without fighting now , i enjoy that intensively . So my 19 birthday is coming up in a few short weeks , and i know what i want , but won't get it , I'll be lucky if my parents remember my birthday this year ,and so I'm not putting my hopes up , but I've planned a few dinners out on the town with friends , 4 nights, i think i'll die after the victoria weekend tho , and im heading to montreal with melee hopefully , St Catherine baybay :)

Tanning , comso and family

I'm at Emma's , i "moved in" yesterday, its only a temporary thing , but it's a good thing , at this moment i'm outside with Ryan and Heather , she's watching clash of the titans , Ryan's rollerblading and me blogging and tanning i was reading cosmopolitan buuuut i stopped , hence im blogging , but yah , Heather's movie sounds are very scary ish , screaming and more screaming and gahhh , and I've talked to my lover Kayla on the phone earlier im hoping that everything goes as planned and we meet t bayshore to hang tomorrow , today i was suppose to hang with Tristan , but instead he went ahead and went to Orleansto meet up with Candy , i got left behind as you can see . A nom nom i'm thinking bout going in and making some lunch and hmm i truly want to see avatar ( yes i haven't seen it yet) but i promised Emma we would watch it once she comes home from work . She finishes work at 7 five more hours t'ill shes home again YAY . Oh i almost forgot yesterday i went to West my old school for a tiny visit didn't plan on seing anyone but i saw Renae actually got tackled hugged by her , gosh i miss her , Tackled by Sarah and her amazing hat , allie and her sexyness , Steven and his stalking abilities , Tristan by his killing marianne with a hug , and ketchup , yup that pretty much made my day .

Peace and Love
Maree

Pack,unpack,pack

Family , what does that mean? , to me not alot , friends alot , all i have is my dad , and well 2 nights ago i lost that , my step mother named Veena has won , she's wanted me out since the day i stepped in , and now well i have no where to turn , I was hoping maby a friend would help , but friends drop like flies when you need help , somehow I've always been there for them tho , i guess when your at a time like this you see the real from the fake , and it hurts , but I'll live . So at the moment im cleaning the house , and doing my everyday things , wich is weird considering the fact it's probably my last few hours here , tho i have no where to go. Dad doesnt want me to leave for ever he just wants me gone for about 2 weeks so that Veena and i can clear our heads and then work things out , but whrre the fuck those he think i can go? Sam's ? Emma's? Mel's? Caro's ... nop.... it sucks to be in this situation . To be in this has made me think of suicide , not surprising thinking that for me ive thougt about it since i was 14 ... probly even before but thats when i gguess it truly hit . And now once agina im in between thoughts and action of it , i don't want to go , still want to be able to hold my sister in my arms one last time , i want to fix te broken friendships i want to make my dad happy , but with what i have at the moment , im considering it more then ever

Forgive me daddy

ive left , i am not home , i am at Sam's for the time being , and will be heading to Mel's , i have once again failed to say i hate life, Veena who is my step mother for those who don't know has hated me since day one , that was years ago , and tonight i get home and still what i do around the house wasn't good enough , miss alcoholic was drinking , and told me to grow up , i was a mistake , to get over myself , to fuck off, that im useless, a waist of living life ... should i go on? , so i packed up and came to Sam's , i feeel horrible for my ad tho he's tried his hardest and still does , but somehow hes blinded by love , and im just anoter burden another payment , i love him to death and shall always <3

Je T'aime papa , merci pour tous <3

This is what you get

Heyy , so today was goodlife monday everymonday i got o goodlife with the family my like 2 family or 3 or 4 whatevrr you wanna call tem , so Sam ,Niki and Motha , but today Sam wasnt feeling up to it so just the 3 of us , and did 30 mins of caridio , then the 9 step machines , then did launges, and wat the fucking crap i cant do :, and leg reps , was a good day ,and afterwards Niki motha and i went to costco and metro , then went home , Sam and went on meez wich is this like 3d chat site , tho i only go on there everyday fro the daily boost( gives u moolah) and to change what my character looks like and I've been on 4 times to chat 2 times with sam , and right now my eyes are bloodshot and burning , my makeup is off now and no difference wTh ... so dad got his new car today , its cute a white colbatlt can't type the name. Its smaller then our oold impala , and sad thing we dont have a sunroof anymore like fail blog much? , and bekah wich is my kitty for those who don't know she is my life , and at this moment she is chewing on my toe , kind of truly akaward and i hate the feling, i kicked her off comes back and sucks on it , she is one messed up crazy kitteh , wel good night or those who sleep i on the other hand have become a insomniac thanks t stress , being lonely , crying, missing you , and being me, maby one day i shall genuinely smile

Is Hell Still Beneath me

sooo , ugh im frustrated with myself atm , one of my best guy friends is being a total idiot with me , annd to add to my awesome weekend super duper slut man whore of an ex called me up....remedy for crying for hours on end, Hedley :) i wont let you see me cry , i wont give u that satisfaction this time (8) , their lyrics are truly magical ,a nd the emotions are around , i won't take this anymore :) so im thinking that maby i'll be fine :) , im just on a rough rocky moment , it shall pass , and i'll keep my head high :)

Juste let go Tonight

im missing you , my heart can't take much more , ive cried , ive been sad , and im wanting you now , for these past few days ic ry myself to sleep at the thought of you . I've been in love only once in my life , and you my dear are very close to being 2 , but i know it will never escalate to that , why ? because you are my best friend , and you can do better , you deserve the best ,and saddly i know thats not me . Tonight I've cried , my eyes stil sting , and my cheeks still feel numb from spilt tears , but my heart beats for you , and it won't stop , but someday ill be happy . So enough of my heart felt pain , this weekend hmm not going to well , well actually last night was amazing cause i had Lisasaur over , we've become very close lately and omg she is going to be FAMOUS , she can sing like omg omg omg , its truly beautifull , she is also beautifull, she has pink hair well its faded now but its oh so amazing still, and hse has one of the biggest hearts around =D , tho saddly last nght we didnt get ot see tristan nor candice :( , but next weekend it shall happen for sure , today i was suppost to see kayla , tho that didnt happen either :( but also next weekend =D
and now for the piece of resistance , me and a former best friend have been talking lately and things are doing better , and im so happy ive truly missed having her in my life , thank god for the friends i have :)

April 15 , Kiss me goodbye

Blah , what a day , went to the gym , worked my ass off , actually worked my fat off . And now its 12:24 am , i usually don't sleep anymore , well not a lot i can survive on 2 hours for a day , stress has become a big factor of life , and well it blows. Oh well , so today went to workout went to sam's came back home , spoke on the phone with Caro , hmm texted insanely my best friends Candy and Tristan and Caro , but those 3 always text me everyday so its no surprise , Sam and i dnt text as much because we basicaly see each other every minute of the day , and night time comes and we seperate but not for long our daily msn routine at night kicks in , so well i have this dilemma i like this guy okay , and sad thing he is one of the closest person to me , and i don't want to mess anything up by being like HEY I LIKE YOU , if you get what i mean , but i don't wanna hide it from him cause he knows me better then me , i hate my heart and how it feels . So omegle and i have become amazing internet buddies every night i go and scare people on there have made a few new friends tho wich is really truly awesome .Last night GLEE was back on , omg best thing in the world its more then just jizz worthy its love worthy :)

April 13 , Forgive and Forget

Hey blog readers , sorry for not writing for the past few months , things haven't been at their best nor their worst. , but me and my best friends got into a fight , well 2 of my best friends , i lied to them ... but it was a while ago and things are getting better , annd ive made alot of amazing people lately , and gotten alot closer to alot of my other friends , like Lisa,candice,Tristan,Kayla, Sam,Emma,Caro,Mel,Kailtyn,Kaitlin,tegan we've all been so close lately well not all together but you getmy point, and like its amazing , tho now ive been talking to one of the friends i fought with and im putting everything on the line for her and the other friend because they mean alot , but one still hates me , and sad thing this shit happened about 2-3 months ago.... .harsh i know but its like ive been sorry, changed ,tried my hardest to be the best i can, and it wasnt god enough .. but ill meet with both and maby they can both forgive and forget , either way i love them both and im hoping everything goes well ,
anyways ive had a few hokups lately broke a heart and had mine shattered , but nothing compared to what ive been feeling for my best guy friend ....i hate myself for how I've been feeling about him , but fuck ...so i dont know what i shall do ... tell him or keep it in?
annd i finally dont work at nicholls btches hahahahaha i fucking hate them :)
and i got my hair done purple ^^

SEPTUM & MONROE

Ladidadida

The weekennnd JUST eneded, but it shall be the best one i've had in a whiiile =D , i went down to Melee's annnd Zomg , it cleared my head , cleared all bottled up emotions annnnd finally can say Happy and smile genuinely , gosh didly where do i start , oh last week i basically lived with Sam , then on thursday night we hung out , then Riley and Nae came over , then Friday i lefffft and we went boarding , shopping, shopping, boy hunting , shopping did i mention hoyl fuck i miss my french hotties !!!!! , like wow ! annd we saw Pat this guy i umm met two summers ago , hes changed , but yah took me like ten minutes to recognize him tho ... fail ... annd i got my septum perced !!WOOOT , and mel took out her lip , and got her monroe done , it looks amazing, annd my nose is a bleeding hurtfull mess atm , like holy shit my pillow is in the garbage thats how much i bled last night... oh wweeeelll so worth it!

Masterpiece Theater

Less than three
Is just a tease
Send thoze n00dz
And make me drool

Hit me up
Make me cum
Wanna sext?
I'll show you some

Sticky drama
All the way
Want my dick?
You gotta pay

You see what my thumbs can do
Time to use my tounge on you

Show me what you've got
On my LCD
Lets get down to it
So you can get down on me

Cybering is so 1999
You've gotta be textually active if you wanna be mine
Cuz

I wanna fuck you hard!
I wanna feel you deep!
I wanna rock your body!
I wanna taste your sweet!
I wanna fuck you hard!
I wanna feel you deep!
I wanna ah! ah!
I wanna ah! ah!
Sexting : Blood On The Dance Floor

Weekend , finished but wow , it was amazing , attempt to pierce Nippples , and amazing work out at midnight , watching SAW 5 ( one of my biggest fears for some unknown reason)... and all spent with Renae and Riley .... Saddly i didn't get ot go in Hull and See Melanie , but I'm heading there next weekend =D... and speaking of next something , Thursday I'm going to Semi with Nae... soooooo pumped , and i have a pity dance with Dillon , aha .... all i have to do is last the week at work ... it's getting harder and harder to work there , because they piss me off so bad .
And i forgot to mention my loser of a Ex thing text-ed me today ... i might be heading to his place Wednesday .. good i dea NO , bad YEs....... but i'll see , and he made it clear that it was a "friendly" visit ... we all know what that means.... and it doesn't make me feel the greatest ... i feel cheap and used.. oh well , hopefully soooner than later someone can see that im not just a Rag doll made for blow jobs .. and when that day comes i think i'll know the meaning of being wanted and happy . So an overall look on last week , hm..... nothing really happened i worked , i had a little battle with my inner self.... i had the biggest urge for the white powder of happiness ( a horrible thing).... and i got over it ..not true , but Nae and Ry told me that it was stupid and they tried to pre occupie my head... but i know the urge was and is there for a reason ....i want to fill a void that's in me ... and i need someone or something there... and i can't find it ... it scares me.

Flirting with 20 year olds and the old people home

You walk into the room and I
I, I-I, I, I, I-I, I.
I wanna tell ya, tell ya, but I just can't speak.
This shouldn't be so difficult.
Why-y. why-y-y-y-y-y,
Tell me why I see you and I just can't breathe.

You're like a bullet, girl, to my heart,
You're like a very far shooting star,
The very thing that I need,
Look at how you get to me

I can never be myself,
How can I when I'm stuck in hell?
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing
Wanna tell you how I feel inside
But every time I go and try
Mutterin, mutterin, muttereh-ing
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing

Don't leave,
I know I effed it up,
That's my luck,
That's just my luh uh uck.
Here I go, Here I go and do it again

You're tut-,
And I'm just so tongue tuh-ied.
Why-y-y, why can't I get it right?
The words just wont come out,
They wanna take down
But I'm still around

You're like a bullet, girl, to my heart
Your like a very far shooting star,
The very thing that I need
Look at how you get to me...

I can never be myself,
How can I when I'm stuck in hell?
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing
Wanna tell you how I feel inside
But every time I go and try
Mutterin, mutterin, muttereh-ing
Stutterin, stutterin, stuttereh-ing

Friday night boys <3



His voice is like Sex , well gay sex ..yes i just quoted my best friend =D im such a cool kid.... so today no Tremblant. Next weekend maby -_-... probably not tho.... annd so im on the phone with Nae..and i can smeellll her from here ;) jakayyy... and tomorrow im hoping to go into town with her , and like hang then shes coming over for a sleepover cuz yes we are that coool ... and Dillon is joinning us ...tho he needs to get over her... it's soo cold of me to say but yah.... he's an amazing guy, but just not the right guy for Nae i guess..... anywoozers .. shes making queefing sound son the phone ..oh joy... sooo im thinking to releve all my stress for lately im getting my septum perced once and for all =D

Pce & Love
Maree

Died sucking on a dick

Here's a song for the nights
I think too much and
Here's a song when I imagine us together
Here's a song for when we talk too much
And I forget my words

Heaven can wait up high in the sky
It's you and I
Heaven can wait deep down in your eyes
I'm yours tonight
Lay your heart next to mine
I feel so alive
Tell me you want me to stay, forever
'Cause heaven can wait

Here's a song for the one who stole my heart
And ran so far, that cupid couldn't catch her
Here's a song for the kid who aims so high
He shot her down

We The King : Heaven can wait



Wow today has been a weird day .... but other than that yesterday was depressing , i felt alone , like really alone ...annnd gladdly enough Nae boosted me back ..but yah
this is a small blog post sorry ..im in pain from the car ...and im feeling horrible ..lots of emotions and shit

Nothing More Than A single Tear

This might be my last chance
so maybe i should take it
i just hope your listening
to everything i'm sayin
i miss the long drives, the car rides
the bad fights, the good times.
the way you make me feel
will never leave my mind.

think of you later in my empty room
where i, i, will fall asleep alone
think of you later in my empty room
where i, i will fall asleep alone.

Every Avenue <3


Wow a whole month and a day not blogging , thats horrible , but it's been an emotional month... so ive been with Someone , broken up with them... hookup up and fucked over ..... and now im here standing wondering where i went wrong... it's not like i loved him .... but lately we had gotten close, saddly he was in it for the sex ,not for the me ....found that out prettty fast -_-.... but we still talk , and he still sends me dirty emails, pretty cool haha jakayy , and I've been sorrounded by my bestfriends every weekend for the past month , Nae and Riley pratacially live here i think ;) and they make this dumb shit called life good =D , and then theres Sam , she might want to kill me half the time but she also one of my best firends =D , but this month ive drifted from Emma , it's sad to think that because i lived with her for 2 weeks a while back when things were extremely rough.... but we started talking again , thank god :).... and then theres Dillon my husband , he's very special... because he's a rah tard =D
so yah thought id take a minbute out of my time to update really fast and i promise to write either every day or every second day
Pce&Love
Maree