Do you really want to live forever ?

Its been one week since ive gotten the noticed of me leaving this place .Cause i wanna be forever young , ive been avoiding myself lately , i cant stand to look at myself , so ugly yet so slutty .... it doesnt make sense.... but today work killed me ... i dont know whats going to happen to me , suicide used to be one of my many thoughts but ive grown up and realised how selfish it is... but today i thought for a moment what if ... what iff i didnt have the most amazing best friends hence , Melee,Alicya , Sam , Caro , Emma , James , tristan , Candice , Lissa , Sarah. ..... what if i never stopped the drugs .... what if i never moved to this place ... alot of what ifs thats for sure. I've learned not to trust easely , and to always keep moving forward... I've lost alot of people , but for a reason , and im happy without them , i have all the people i need the others are just fillers