Tanning , comso and family

I'm at Emma's , i "moved in" yesterday, its only a temporary thing , but it's a good thing , at this moment i'm outside with Ryan and Heather , she's watching clash of the titans , Ryan's rollerblading and me blogging and tanning i was reading cosmopolitan buuuut i stopped , hence im blogging , but yah , Heather's movie sounds are very scary ish , screaming and more screaming and gahhh , and I've talked to my lover Kayla on the phone earlier im hoping that everything goes as planned and we meet t bayshore to hang tomorrow , today i was suppose to hang with Tristan , but instead he went ahead and went to Orleansto meet up with Candy , i got left behind as you can see . A nom nom i'm thinking bout going in and making some lunch and hmm i truly want to see avatar ( yes i haven't seen it yet) but i promised Emma we would watch it once she comes home from work . She finishes work at 7 five more hours t'ill shes home again YAY . Oh i almost forgot yesterday i went to West my old school for a tiny visit didn't plan on seing anyone but i saw Renae actually got tackled hugged by her , gosh i miss her , Tackled by Sarah and her amazing hat , allie and her sexyness , Steven and his stalking abilities , Tristan by his killing marianne with a hug , and ketchup , yup that pretty much made my day .

Peace and Love
Maree

Pack,unpack,pack

Family , what does that mean? , to me not alot , friends alot , all i have is my dad , and well 2 nights ago i lost that , my step mother named Veena has won , she's wanted me out since the day i stepped in , and now well i have no where to turn , I was hoping maby a friend would help , but friends drop like flies when you need help , somehow I've always been there for them tho , i guess when your at a time like this you see the real from the fake , and it hurts , but I'll live . So at the moment im cleaning the house , and doing my everyday things , wich is weird considering the fact it's probably my last few hours here , tho i have no where to go. Dad doesnt want me to leave for ever he just wants me gone for about 2 weeks so that Veena and i can clear our heads and then work things out , but whrre the fuck those he think i can go? Sam's ? Emma's? Mel's? Caro's ... nop.... it sucks to be in this situation . To be in this has made me think of suicide , not surprising thinking that for me ive thougt about it since i was 14 ... probly even before but thats when i gguess it truly hit . And now once agina im in between thoughts and action of it , i don't want to go , still want to be able to hold my sister in my arms one last time , i want to fix te broken friendships i want to make my dad happy , but with what i have at the moment , im considering it more then ever

Forgive me daddy

ive left , i am not home , i am at Sam's for the time being , and will be heading to Mel's , i have once again failed to say i hate life, Veena who is my step mother for those who don't know has hated me since day one , that was years ago , and tonight i get home and still what i do around the house wasn't good enough , miss alcoholic was drinking , and told me to grow up , i was a mistake , to get over myself , to fuck off, that im useless, a waist of living life ... should i go on? , so i packed up and came to Sam's , i feeel horrible for my ad tho he's tried his hardest and still does , but somehow hes blinded by love , and im just anoter burden another payment , i love him to death and shall always <3

Je T'aime papa , merci pour tous <3

This is what you get

Heyy , so today was goodlife monday everymonday i got o goodlife with the family my like 2 family or 3 or 4 whatevrr you wanna call tem , so Sam ,Niki and Motha , but today Sam wasnt feeling up to it so just the 3 of us , and did 30 mins of caridio , then the 9 step machines , then did launges, and wat the fucking crap i cant do :, and leg reps , was a good day ,and afterwards Niki motha and i went to costco and metro , then went home , Sam and went on meez wich is this like 3d chat site , tho i only go on there everyday fro the daily boost( gives u moolah) and to change what my character looks like and I've been on 4 times to chat 2 times with sam , and right now my eyes are bloodshot and burning , my makeup is off now and no difference wTh ... so dad got his new car today , its cute a white colbatlt can't type the name. Its smaller then our oold impala , and sad thing we dont have a sunroof anymore like fail blog much? , and bekah wich is my kitty for those who don't know she is my life , and at this moment she is chewing on my toe , kind of truly akaward and i hate the feling, i kicked her off comes back and sucks on it , she is one messed up crazy kitteh , wel good night or those who sleep i on the other hand have become a insomniac thanks t stress , being lonely , crying, missing you , and being me, maby one day i shall genuinely smile

Is Hell Still Beneath me

sooo , ugh im frustrated with myself atm , one of my best guy friends is being a total idiot with me , annd to add to my awesome weekend super duper slut man whore of an ex called me up....remedy for crying for hours on end, Hedley :) i wont let you see me cry , i wont give u that satisfaction this time (8) , their lyrics are truly magical ,a nd the emotions are around , i won't take this anymore :) so im thinking that maby i'll be fine :) , im just on a rough rocky moment , it shall pass , and i'll keep my head high :)

Juste let go Tonight

im missing you , my heart can't take much more , ive cried , ive been sad , and im wanting you now , for these past few days ic ry myself to sleep at the thought of you . I've been in love only once in my life , and you my dear are very close to being 2 , but i know it will never escalate to that , why ? because you are my best friend , and you can do better , you deserve the best ,and saddly i know thats not me . Tonight I've cried , my eyes stil sting , and my cheeks still feel numb from spilt tears , but my heart beats for you , and it won't stop , but someday ill be happy . So enough of my heart felt pain , this weekend hmm not going to well , well actually last night was amazing cause i had Lisasaur over , we've become very close lately and omg she is going to be FAMOUS , she can sing like omg omg omg , its truly beautifull , she is also beautifull, she has pink hair well its faded now but its oh so amazing still, and hse has one of the biggest hearts around =D , tho saddly last nght we didnt get ot see tristan nor candice :( , but next weekend it shall happen for sure , today i was suppost to see kayla , tho that didnt happen either :( but also next weekend =D
and now for the piece of resistance , me and a former best friend have been talking lately and things are doing better , and im so happy ive truly missed having her in my life , thank god for the friends i have :)

April 15 , Kiss me goodbye

Blah , what a day , went to the gym , worked my ass off , actually worked my fat off . And now its 12:24 am , i usually don't sleep anymore , well not a lot i can survive on 2 hours for a day , stress has become a big factor of life , and well it blows. Oh well , so today went to workout went to sam's came back home , spoke on the phone with Caro , hmm texted insanely my best friends Candy and Tristan and Caro , but those 3 always text me everyday so its no surprise , Sam and i dnt text as much because we basicaly see each other every minute of the day , and night time comes and we seperate but not for long our daily msn routine at night kicks in , so well i have this dilemma i like this guy okay , and sad thing he is one of the closest person to me , and i don't want to mess anything up by being like HEY I LIKE YOU , if you get what i mean , but i don't wanna hide it from him cause he knows me better then me , i hate my heart and how it feels . So omegle and i have become amazing internet buddies every night i go and scare people on there have made a few new friends tho wich is really truly awesome .Last night GLEE was back on , omg best thing in the world its more then just jizz worthy its love worthy :)

April 13 , Forgive and Forget

Hey blog readers , sorry for not writing for the past few months , things haven't been at their best nor their worst. , but me and my best friends got into a fight , well 2 of my best friends , i lied to them ... but it was a while ago and things are getting better , annd ive made alot of amazing people lately , and gotten alot closer to alot of my other friends , like Lisa,candice,Tristan,Kayla, Sam,Emma,Caro,Mel,Kailtyn,Kaitlin,tegan we've all been so close lately well not all together but you getmy point, and like its amazing , tho now ive been talking to one of the friends i fought with and im putting everything on the line for her and the other friend because they mean alot , but one still hates me , and sad thing this shit happened about 2-3 months ago.... .harsh i know but its like ive been sorry, changed ,tried my hardest to be the best i can, and it wasnt god enough .. but ill meet with both and maby they can both forgive and forget , either way i love them both and im hoping everything goes well ,
anyways ive had a few hokups lately broke a heart and had mine shattered , but nothing compared to what ive been feeling for my best guy friend ....i hate myself for how I've been feeling about him , but fuck ...so i dont know what i shall do ... tell him or keep it in?
annd i finally dont work at nicholls btches hahahahaha i fucking hate them :)
and i got my hair done purple ^^