Do you really want to live forever ?

Its been one week since ive gotten the noticed of me leaving this place .Cause i wanna be forever young , ive been avoiding myself lately , i cant stand to look at myself , so ugly yet so slutty .... it doesnt make sense.... but today work killed me ... i dont know whats going to happen to me , suicide used to be one of my many thoughts but ive grown up and realised how selfish it is... but today i thought for a moment what if ... what iff i didnt have the most amazing best friends hence , Melee,Alicya , Sam , Caro , Emma , James , tristan , Candice , Lissa , Sarah. ..... what if i never stopped the drugs .... what if i never moved to this place ... alot of what ifs thats for sure. I've learned not to trust easely , and to always keep moving forward... I've lost alot of people , but for a reason , and im happy without them , i have all the people i need the others are just fillers

100 Posts!!!

Life is something short and dramatic , today i woke up with tears stinging my eyes , all i can think of is how bad i miss you , Life here without you is unbearable . I can't imagine how much you've changed , grown , and laughed while I've been gone , i love you . Today is the marker date of when my Birth mother seperated me and my sister , but i know one day ill be able to hold her back in my arms . Today my fathers dear friend is in the hospital for surgery , and Today i am 19 , have a full time job and still think to myself how can i be so childish ? , I have a problem , i like to enjoi life the best i can, but i want love , i don't know why , but my ff aren't cutting it anymore for me , i need to be able to cuddle after , i want to be able to smile and not regret after , i don't just want to be THAT girl they do. Today i've kept the way you left it , and i found all the things we build to burn them down , lyrics by the latency ! I've counted how many days , months and years I've been in a coma , just going day by day , not actually living . Can you say that you have friends , but be the lonelyest person on this planet? i can , its funny to think that i cna have so many "friends" but somehow be alone most of the time , i see more of my ff then "friends" , yes im a skank deal with it , i have two days off during the week and lately ive been fooling around with ff's or alone , can i even cal my "friends" friends? , i don't know , lately my head has been one major blur , one massive pain and one immense sorrow , la dernieree fois tu a pris ton coeur et le mieu , tu les a emmener trop loing , rammene le moi Marie-mai lyrics Pour effacer nos larmer se sentir vivant , pour une fois laisse danser tes doights sur ma peau.

Change is Good

Its been over 2 months since ive written here . I'm not the same Maree i was a year ago or 2 month ago , Im now 19 , have 2 tattoo's , 17 piercings in total have had over 29 , I've had a few bf's and alot of fuck friends , things around me grow and die , Im still crazy and weird , but people have noticed a change , funny it took me so long to notice it .... Im becoming who I'll be in the future , gauges,tattoos and all . I'm actually realising how amazing life can be if you give it a chance , yes at times i just want to jump off a bridge , but they are some moments that are just so worth it , like I had lost a best friend , a dear love , she had been one of the best things in my life , and a guy got in the middle and i lost her , but Were good now , trying over type thing , i see her almost 2 a week now , and its amazing , she is one of the only people ive ever fully trusted , and still to this day she remains one of the few ill always love and cherish the friendship like its a delicate flower , but get crazy like its a bottle of vodka .Also losing people and gainning new ones is good , ive lost many friends this year , some by just losing touch and some others by stupid high school drama , and fact i ain't in high school anymmore so they can shove their wa wa up their ass . But who ever is in my life at the moment should know that i love them and that im thankfull to have them , it's hard to find the true friends , and i know I've found a handfull , and headint out into the world isnt as bad as it could of been , i know have a corporate office job , well i have a cubicle in a giant building on elgin for bell Canada , i work for the high speed center , and its an amazing job , i truly hope i can keep it and to the best i can with it . Maby someday ill open my own salon and tattoo parlor , maby someday ill go to college but at the moment things are good , i don't have a boyfriend , but i still hve some guy friends on the side if you get my drift , but one things for sure ,life is to short for dumb bitches and birth moms tat could as well be dead , they need to grow up , and you shouldnt be waiting for them , walk away and make your own path to life , and follow your rainbow to your pot of gold , and sex is still amazing my loves .