What an eventful day , yesterday went to shoppers cause big chances are i'm working there next week!!!! but someone isn't to happy about that , yesterday i found out i was being clingy again , which seems to happen every few months i don't notice it but he does and it irritates him , so i tend to back off for a while , but some truth came out also , he was expecting me to stop talking to him and kinda disappear when i left/moved , i don't think i was expecting that , it hurt , I'm not lying when i say i cried so much that it exhausted me and i passed out , i threw my cellphone batterie across the bedroom so that nothing would get to me , i woke up crying , all night all i could think of , is one of the most important people in my life decided it be better if i wasn't in his life , I'm destroyed , lost and confused . why can't things ever try and go well , even good , but no . My amazing day with Alicya my best friend , chelsea and Garfitt the tall boy of my life all the happiness i was feeling was crumbled in a parking lot , not on the phone , but by Goddamn text messages , this boy has done a lot of damage since october , when things started , but i never thought he could be so heartless , i actually thought i meant something to him , i was wrong. I'm about to cry again , my eyes are burning , and my heart is aching , all i want to do i see him and talk this fucked up moment over , but i was being clingy to his eyes so the last persons name he wants to see across his phone screen . the song bitter taste by 3days grace ," betrayed , disgraced , you've been erased " keeps playing in my head , i can't stop the hurt , the pain , the tears , i feel so weak , i need to escape myself . a few months or weeks ago , suicide came back into play , does that worry me , yes , at this point the option is staring back at me smiling , my hand has inched closer to its , i'm almost ready to just tie up and jump and stop this suffocation , and created the real deal to escape , disappear , and stop all this.... who knows what me the irrational crazy fucked up one might do.
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