We're saturday , and all i can think about is how maybe i fucked up my life so bad that the only thing i look forward to is seeing your name across my phones screen . I miss talking with you , our late night car rides , maybe i'm a shot in the dark . It actually takes everything out of me not to text you every few minutes and be like what the fuck is wrong with you talk to me! But I'm not like that , and you already hate the i text you everyday because you can't grow the balls to do it yourself . Moving away has made me think about how things were and they were fun , but in the end i always wanted more , i wanted you to look at me and say that you love me , i wanted you to tell me what i wanted to hear , i wanted you to kiss me and tell me you would miss me , but you didn't , instead it was a see you later wink . The picture I've painted in my head about you is wrong , your just a boy , your not the guy i fell for , and unfortunately probably never will be , i lied to myself and tried to let myself pretend i didn't want you , but i do , it kills my heart to know you just like the fun. But for now i'll accept the fun and pretend I'm not dying inside every time we leave each other or you plain out ignore a text , it might destroy me , you might be the destroyer , but you also are the one who's brought me back this happiness i thought id never see again . On other things , my kitten formally known as Pawpers is now named Charlie , thanks to my fajah , but all in all my little fluff ball is happy , and pouncing like theres no tomorrow , i love him to death , it's insane how a little thing like that can bring you so much happiness .
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